The lights are out but my mind keeps going like an out of control VCR, playing and replaying all of the things I should have done differently - all the things I would do instinctively, if I were a model mother. 

If I were a model mother
No one in our family would ever argue or raise their voices, 
And I would never lose my temper.  We would work and play in perfect harmony and love. Our home would be a showcase of cooperation, a veritable heaven on earth. I'd grind my own wheat, bake my own bread Grow my own oat bran. I'd Sew all their clothes, knit mittens and scarves. And design unique and exotic Halloween costumes. In my spare time. 

If I were a model mother 
I would sense intuitively whether my children had strep throat or an 
oral book report due. I'd diagnose broken bones from fifty feet away and detect sprains or pulled muscles with a delicate touch. In fact, I would know BEFORE my child got injured what was going to happen and how to prevent it. 

I would never miss even one of their little league games, I'd be the team mother, the team mascot, the unacknowledged coach and their 
lucky charm. I would always be a wonderful sport. All the neighborhood kids would wish their mom was more like me. 

If I were a model mother 
The time I spent with my children would always be quality time. 
I would never be too tired, too busy, or bored. I would be my children's best friend and they would always come to me for advice and we would have real, meaningful, long, quality talks together. I would help them with their homework, explain new math, calculus, 
physics and chemistry to them with ease. I would always be room mother and my children would never be in trouble or know the principal on a first name basis. 

If I were a model mother I would be the ideal neighbor - overflowing with charity. I'd take home-baked bread to all new neighbors within 6 blocks and dinner to all the sick within three miles. My children would never fall asleep during morning scripture study and I would never hit the snooze button when the alarm 
went off. 

My children would never be disruptive during church I'd never take books or paper and they would always sit perfectly still, listening without being bribed. And afterwards, they would be able to tell me in complete detail would they had been taught . 

If I were a model mother my house would be model-home clean with floors you could eat off and plates you could see yourself in. We'd whistle while we worked like the seven dwarves; and smile and sing in harmony while we cleaned. Nothing would ever be out of place and the refrigerator and microwave would be immaculate. 
The children would always do their chores, neatly, without the need for endless reminders, nagging or threats. and their rooms would always be impeccably clean. In fact, I'd have a little man floating around in my toilet. Well, the stars are fading, the dawn approaching. I wonder if a model mother can ever be more than a dream. Then a sleepy little boy climbs into our bed, wraps his arms around me and lays his head on my breast. 

My heart grows lighter my children are not perfect but then neither am I. We're all sharing in a process that out-spans both time and space. 

Sunlight halos his face, highlighting moments more precious than gold. Other memories echo and sparkle - late night confidences, bike rides, snowball fights and much, much more. The dream of the model mother vanishes but my hopes remain radiant and sure.

Starting today, I'll not model myself against others, no matter how 
perfect they appear. I'll measure myself against what I was yesterday and what I hope to become someday! 

And, I'll relish the sweet moments of today. 
~Unknown