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to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter
Learn & remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
Pull your droopy pants up. You look
like an idiot.
Let's get this straight; it's called
a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how
slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.Drive it or get
out of the way.
They are cattle & oil wells. That's
what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and
south. Pick one.
So you have a $60,000 car. We're
impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3
weeks a year.
So every! person in every pickup
waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
If that cell phone rings while a
bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You
better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You
really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
The "Opener" refers to the first day
of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to
the first of November.
We open doors for women. That is
applied to all women, regardless of age
No, there's no "vegetarian special"
on the menu. Order steak Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off
the 2 pounds of ham & turkey
When we fill out a table, there
are three main dishes: meats,vegetables, and breads. We use three
spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce Oh, yeah..! .. We don't care
what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL
CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio... and real chili never
met a tomato!
You bring "coke" into my house,
it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into
my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have
College and High School
Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.
Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't
hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
Colleges? Try Texas, Texas A&M or
Texas Tech. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God
and country,and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for
We have more folks in the Army, Navy,
Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas"
If you do, it will get you whipped by the best.
Always remember what our great
governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United
States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."